Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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