Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize