So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
