20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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