nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You are a genius and a whore.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
