just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it was like eating out sand paper
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
