he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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