I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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