I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize