Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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