Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
