I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
