dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
