508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I bet he comes in French.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
