i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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