Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
