I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
