Don't make out with my wife yet
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
