Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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