did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
