She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
