i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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