The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
