good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize