Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
