in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
