guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
