Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
