hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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