I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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