Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
