also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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