My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
