you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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