Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize