dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
