I am puke
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
