I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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