How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
