You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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