I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
