and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
