shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
tell me about the eggs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize