he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
