he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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