I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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