You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
