She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
