this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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