So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My penis needs a shock collar
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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