just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
