i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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