im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
