Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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