if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
