you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
