we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
