if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
