you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
