So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize