just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
