I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize