i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
