I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
