i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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