He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
