she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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