I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
