I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
