At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
