this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
