Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
