I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
