Non-Jews are for practice
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
