the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
