On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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