After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sarcasm needs its own font
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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