Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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