OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
