saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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