She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
