The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
