Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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