Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
