the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize