Can i not drive my cunt home
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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