I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
