swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
