Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
