well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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